Fear of Disappointment
Fear of Disappointment is simply a reflection on what it means to me to feel utter disappointment in oneself. That is to say this piece is not a musical symbol of disappointment in another - e.g. a family member or a friend - but rather the loathing in oneself when a choice is made. Unfortunately, this discouragement can often overwhelm those struggling with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, anorexia/bulimia, etc. Self dejection in these cases exists often as an irrational thought or conclusion.
Musically, I hope to convey the emotions coinciding with the aforementioned irrational self-discouragement. Anger seethes from feeling this way. Sadness and a numbing calm soon follows, occasionally with a mix of intense bursts of hysterical emotional pain and suffering in my experience. In two movements for string quartet, Fear of Disappointment is my personal representation of the painful journey victims of mental illness often experience when making the simplest of decisions.
Performed by Apollo Chamber Players